Maybe I’m just a prude, but I’m so over all these novels (and movies) where and older male protagonist has a sexual relationship with a much younger female. It’s getting really boring and reads to me as authors writing out their sexual fantasies on the page. And, yes, it’s almost always male authors that write stories like this.
I take it back. I’m not a prude.
- It’s called Master of the Universe.
- It was originally published on Fanfiction.net (aka where fanfiction goes to die).
- E.L. James’ pen name was Snowqueens Icedragon because of course it was.
- Snowqueens Icedragon does not use quotation marks.
- She does, however, make up expressions like "my very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba" and “I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone.”
- They spend more time filling out sex-related paperwork than they do actually having sex.
- This is my reaction to all of the sex scenes:
- Because the human body doesn’t work like that.
- This is my reaction to everything else:
- Because the english language doesn’t work like that.
The 50 Shades of Grey trailer just dropped, so here’s a link to the original Twilight fanfiction that the book is “based” off of, because if you’re gonna read the book before you see the movie you might as well read it in its original format.
Oh my god it has those banner photoshop graphics we all spent at least a week thinking were really cool and a sign of a quality fic
Reblogging again because her ff.net profile still exists, though it doesn’t have anything on it.
For those not in the know!
I feel like this is important, pertinent information.
Oh my god, don’t read the books OR see the movie, unless of course you’re planning on hate-watching it like I’m thinking of doing. Also, if you’ve got the stamina, and intestinal fortitude, do read Jenny Trout’s wonderful, enlightening, hilarious, and heartbreaking chapter-by-chapter recap of the 50 Shades books. (TW abuse, sexual assault).
Cross out what you’ve already read. Six is the average.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee The Bible - Council of Nicea Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Middlemarch - George Eliot
Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald Bleak House - Charles Dickens
War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Emma - Jane Austen
Persuasion - Jane Austen
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne Animal Farm - George Orwell
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Atonement - Ian McEwan
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Dune - Frank Herbert
Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
The Secret History - Donna Tartt
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
On The Road - Jack Kerouac
Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
Moby Dick - Herman Melville
Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
Dracula - Bram Stoker
The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
Ulysses - James Joyce
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Germinal - Emile Zola
Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
Possession - AS Byatt
A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
The Color Purple - Alice Walker
The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
Charlotte’s Web - EB White
The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
Watership Down - Richard Adams
A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
Hamlet - William Shakespeare
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
I wish “young adult authors” were yknow, actual young adults in the 18-25 age range at least and not old dudes writing about the high school girl they never got to fuck with and you know who I’m talking about
My day thus far: slept in, read, went to a matinee performance of The Government Inspector (though not quite The Government Inspector you’d expect, but a wonderfully funny modern allegory of it nonetheless - quite good reviews for it found here), read, had dinner, spent the rest of the evening reading. I’m reading Margaret Atwood’s The Blind Assassin. Yes, it’s an utter crime that I’ve put it off this long, I’ve really been sucked into the story and I spend my time vacillating between awe for her writing and trying to figure out which one of the Chase sisters was having the affair (this is not an invitation for spoilers).